night terrors.

so i have this strange problem of frequent night terrors and screaming in my sleep. surely, nothing i am proud of and is really disruptive of my sleeping patterns....not to mention has scared many of my bedmates away. last night i slept in a bed with my mom because i have been feeling unsually nervous and scared of the nighttime, and i didn't think i would be able to sleep alone down here in woodland where it is so dark and creepy. embarassing, but none the less true, i slept with my mom, and had a horrible night terror.

i was screaming so loud and my heart was beating so fast that i nearly passed out. i have worried in the past that i may actually have a heart attack when this happens to me. normally, when i am by myself it is nearly impossible to come out of the screaming phase as i have no idea whats happening until someone wakes me up. that being said, today i tried to go for a walk and have been doing some reading and mind calming activities to help soothe my tired imaginative brain.

i woke up foggy and took a jacuzzi and made a hard boiled egg and a salad for breakfast.

i went into portland to get some things for the tour, i have made some very big changes lately in caring for my body and have started to find out what vitamins and minerals i am deficient of. about a month ago to try to replenish and restore my natural settings, i started taking magnesium, vitamin b12, d3, calcium, b complex, zinc, c, fish oil, 5htp, and vitamin e. i have been adding things in here and there to see what changes i feel, and i am happy to report that i think i am finally feeling the benefits of the supplements. i am feeling more balanced and clear minded, as well as no random cravings for sugar or salt which is a symptom of nutrient deficiency. i started taking 5htp awhile ago, it is a naturally occuring amino acid that is a precursor to seratonin. i felt amazing even the first time i started taking it, and i strongly reccomend anyone with any type of the blues or anxiety to consider giving it a try. i bought some gaba today as well/

GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid) is an amino acid that acts as a neurotransmitter, chemicals that facilitate communication between nerve cells. GABA, which is produced by the brain, suppresses nerve impulses related to stress and anxiety. i have heard really wonderful things about gaba to help reset your adrenal glands if you have suffered from anxiety or ptsd or too much stress. it is also very helpful in helping your body restore its natural sleep cycle.

i am really hoping that i find whatever it is that makes my brain and body work the way it does, which is not for the best. i know there is optimal health in my future, and i am just hoping to be strong enough to make the changes i need to make to become a balanced and vibrant person. i can't wait until my body is restored enough to follow the rhythyms of the earth and light, and sleeps and wakes normally as well as feels energized and strong. i am getting closer. this year has been a tough one if you know me, and alot has happened in my body and in my mind that has caused some pretty deep exhaustion and depletion, and i am ready to come back and be full of life and light again.

i also got some sunscreen today (i absolutely hate being any kind of tan or color and am a bit neurotic about sunscreen..) i was looking for some baby sunscreen because it is usually a high SPF but now a days it seems like everything is just SPF 18, which makes me worry. i also got a new preserve toothbrush (my favorite!), and some theo dark chocolate with cherries and almonds.

i am pleased to see that GT KOMBUCHA, has now branched out into botanical infusions. there are 3 of them, and i got them all to try. i just had one with lavendar and gojiberry and it was really nice. less acidic tasting then the fruit ones, and a bit more calming in the tummy.

i am killing time down at my parents house until tour since i moved out of my apartment early and mon chat Pear is staying here. he is enjoying himself and getting to know the little alien cat janet. tonight i am making my dad spaghetti carbonara.

tomorrow i am going with my dad and my sister and her husband and kids out to our family beach house in the woods on the coast for the clam tides. i am so excited to dig and most of all eat, clams. clamdigging is really soothing to me. i love to watch people chasing the clams down. my dad took my mom clamdigging on their honeymoon. that is just the kind of man he is.
i think it is sweet, and my favorite photo of my mom is of her with her long hair blowing all over the place in the 70's digging clams in her barefeet.